So, I have been having a hard time lately, as you all might have noticed with my last blog. There has been some drama at work, problems with some friends, and some issues with Will.
Work Drama:
About a month ago, we hired some new people. One is great, one I never work with so I don't know, and the other is the one that Kjersti described in her phone conversation with "Sophie". Let's just say that we don't get along very well because people that need to have obvious things explained to them drive me insane. Plus, when I have to babysit my co-workers, it makes it so that I can't get what I need to done during the day, and I either have to leave it undone, or stay extra hours to catch up. Anyways, so another girl that I haven't really gotten along with at work is talking to me about my new dumb co-worker, and I stupidly tell her the problems that I have been having with her too. The next day, I talked to Justin about how I should handle them. The day after that I had another talk with stupid co-worker about how we need to work with dumb new co-worker and then leave for the day. Then "dumb" and "stupid" work together, and "dumb" tells stupid everything that I said about her, while leaving out all the stuff that she said too. So, Justin calls me the next day and gives me a lecture about not talking badly about the other employees except with either him or Sarah, since "stupid" called him all upset. He also said that I need to be nicer to my fellow employees. He also tells me not to bring it all up again, even though now I want to punch "dumb" in the face. A few days later "dumb" asks me to work for her on my only day off so I said no. And a few more days after that "dumb" puts in her two weeks because she "can't handle me anymore."
Issues with Will:
Natalie keeps asking me why Will and I never dated, so I asked him in an e-mail I wrote him last week. He said that if Natalie kept asking, I should just have her ask him herself. So she did. And this was his response:
Nat! what up!?
In a very simple explanation to your question, I didn't date her because I was already looking to the future to someone that I could marry in the Temple. Call me a freaky, bubble-raised mormon boy, but it's the truth. Besides that, I just wasn't interested in dating before the mission. Probably won't be afterwards either.
Anyway, it was great to hear from you and WRITE AGAIN! I have more to say, but not the time, so I'll hear from you and you'll hear from me! Tchau!
E. William
So, even though I pretty much already knew that, it was really hard for me to hear. It made me cry, and I am still pretty upset about it.
Which leads to my friend drama:
I tell a couple of my friends about what Will said since I was really upset about it. Natalie, Torrie and Wendy tried to help me, but Amber kind of got mad at me. She said that I was completely naive about everything, that there was no way that the guys on their missions were going to date anyone outside of the church. She also said that I always complain to the same people about the same problems, and that I never act on any advice that they give me, so they get frustrated when they hear me complain about all the same stuff again. Then I yelled at her, but it didn't make me feel better.
And some of my other friends said that I should just become Mormon then since that would solve the problem. I just feel that you should only be a certain religion if it is for you. You can't do it for someone else. Also, if I were to change everything about myself so that I could get married in the temple, most of my family wouldn't be able to be there, and that is something that is really important to me. When I do get married, that is something that I want to be able to share with them. We're all close like that.
So, that's what's going on with me... I am a little depressed right now, but things are getting better. I will be okay. The tide will come back in. It does that after it goes out.
4 comments:
In my past experience whenever I have participated in a "gossip" session, it invariably gets back to the one that I was talking about as to what I said and then I find that I am either found to be the one in the wrong or I go through my guilt trip and end up apologizing. It's just easier to listen but not comment when this happens.
As far as Will, if his religion means that much to him, which it should if he is a man of integrity, and it is not the religion that you choose to believe in, then it is better to find out before you get too involved because either one of you will end up compromising your beliefs and resentment will build or you will have a built-in guarantee that this will be a major source of fighting and stress in your future lives.
If you have a strong enough set of beliefs and values that you are committed to you shouldn't have to change to continue a relationship and you shouldn't force him to change for you, because then he wouldn't be the man that you got to know and like. It's a hard position to be in but it is one that you need to decide what is really important to you and not settle for less. - Nolana
Nolana made some really good points about the gossiping and Will.
What I would add about the "friend" drama is that you've had some pretty lame friends in your life--I think you have some good ones too, but you still have some lame ones.
I guarantee you that my closest friends, (especially MyAmanda and SSFB, because they are forced to listen to me more than the others) have had to listen to me cry about the same things over and over and over again, and they have given me advice, and I haven't taken it. Guess what? They're there for me no matter what. Even if I don't take their advice.
It's always easier to see what someone else should do about something than what you yourself should do about the very same thing. It's also easier to pass judgment on someone when you're not walking around in their skin. No one knows how you feel or when you're ready to learn your lessons better than you do. Good friends understand that. They're there for you when you're up against the wall, and they're there for you when you finally get to the other side.
Chelsee, I want to say that I think you should move on with your life. It's hard to do when you love someone, but I think you need to live your own life. I think unrequited love is just going to hold you back from being the wonderful, happy person you can be. There are so many other wonderful people out there and I think it would be good for you to make some new friends, find some new loves. As your older and wiser sister, I don't say this to hurt your feelings, but because I want you to be happy. You still have so much life ahead of you. Go out and do something for you. Stop living for your friends and do what makes YOU happy. I know how it feels when your heart is breaking. We have all been there. None of us married our first boyfriend or even our first crush. There is someone out there who will be your perfect match, and you won't have to change him for it to be that way. I love you, Chelsee. Please try to move past the hurt and let yourself be happy.
I may not always have advice or know what to say, but I do want to listen. I hope I've never made you feel like I dn't care or am tired of the things that matter to you and effect you. I love you and you are an amazing friend who is always there for me. I hope I can do the same. And it's fine with me if you never take my advice, you have to follow your heart, not what I would do or anyone else. The others have made some good points. I'd hate to see you waiting around forever, but I know how in love with Will you are. If you decide to let go of Will and search for someone like him, all those amazing qualities you love about him, you'll find him, and now matter the trials ahead, you two will be able to stick them out by your loyalties being to one another and the common values you will share. Religious or not, what matters is that you are a good person, true to the truths you know, like how to treat people, the things you value in life, like family and friends, and stand firm with those. One of my favorite quotes, "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything." I don't care if you are religious or not, I care that you are a good person. You are very giving, and life is about learning lessons, and heaven knows you've learned just a few over the years. There's another phrase I like, "going through the refiner's fire." We become stronger for every trial, or period of drama, in our life, we learn and take those lessons as we keep on living and fighting to be happy. You have many people who love you and are there for you, and others who want to be and aren't sure how to be, their hearts are with you. See you in a couple days! Keep finding the things that make you truly happy and give you joy and peace in life, and you'll make it through the storms.
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