The Countdown continues...

So, here is a little update after my breakdown... I am still waiting for my financial aid to be able to pay for school, but in the meantime, my mom put it on her credit card. I don't know if it was because I was feeling guilty about that, really stressed or just because I was so grateful to have her help, but that night I had a dream that she died. In my dream, Allie had said that she had seen all the signs that it was coming, but she hadn't said anything because she didn't want to take away mom's hope that she would live. So, just like that, mom was gone. I can't even describe how sad that made me. I couldn't believe that I didn't have a chance to say goodbye. Even after I woke up, I knew it was a dream but I called mom anyway. When she got on the line, I just started crying. I was relieved that she was okay, but I just couldn't shake how sad the dream made me. When mom said, "You are so sweet. It is good to know you would miss me when I'm gone." I started crying again. Mom, I can't even tell you how much I love you and how much it means to me that you are in my life. Thank you for everything you do to help me out, even if that is just letting me vent to you about the things in my life that aren't going so well. I love spending time with you, from watching Bones or going to the Shakespearean Festival together, or talking about the similar books that we are reading and love, it means a lot to me that you are there. When I'm having a bad day, I feel like a kid. My first comfort is a caffeinated drink and then calling you to tell you about it. It's like a kid, wanting a bottle, and for mom to kiss it all better. Thank you, thank you, thank you for everything that you are to me. I appreciate it more than I could ever put into words. I LOVE YOU!!

Okay, so back to school. My classes have been really hard. My favorite one is probably my Studio class. I love learning about all the different lighting techniques and I'm doing pretty well in there. My next favorite would be my Alternative class. I can't help but thing about Allie's Amanda when in that class. We learn about all the artistic alternative ways to photography. Right now we are learning about pinhole cameras. The exposure time is guesswork, and the images can turn out really interesting, imperfect images that I know Amanda would love. She has mentioned that we are going to be making our own paper, and we will need Holga cameras, etc... It is interesting and a lot different than the perfection required in my other classes. Amanda, if you are interested, I'll let you know what the assignments are if you want to play along with me. :) For example, we had to research pinhole pictures and find an artist we liked that took pinhole images. I found a girl that travels around and does wedding and portrait photography through pinhole cameras! Recently, she just sold everything she owned to move to South Korea to teach English. Her name is Sheila Bocchine. Her blog is http://sheilabocchine.com/blog for any of you interested in seeing her work. Anyways, my next class is probably History of Photography. It is interesting, and not too hard so far. Last though, is my Design class. I have never been able to draw very well, and this class is all about designing things by sketching it out, etc... We had to go buy $200 worth of art supplies just for this class! We have to read a chapter a week, while filling out packets to go with the chapters, while working on our projects! It is so much work! I have been doing my homework for this class in my breaks between classes, or my breaks between doubles at work. I barely had enough time to finish my assignment before class, literally the glue was probably still drying. Anyways, my teacher comes to class ready to do critiques on our work, but half of the class said the mixed up the deadline or that they didn't have enough time to finish so she gave them all more time!! I was so mad! I worked three doubles all over the long weekend and I still made the sacrifices to have my work ready on time! At least I got extra credit for being ready, but I was really annoyed that she just gave everyone more time. If she could tell that she had given us too much to do, and that the class was trying but struggling to keep up, than I would have been fine to have her give us more time. But for them to just show up unprepared and get away with it really made me mad! My Studio class happened after that, and at the first of class we started our critiques. I told my teacher about what had happened in Design and how we never would have been able to get away with that in my photography classes...

Anyways, I feel like things are coming along. I feel like I am getting a handle on work and school and finding the time to do my homework in between. The only problem came from after working my three doubles over labor day weekend. Monday morning came along, and I was so exhausted that I completely slept through both of my alarm clocks. The problem with this is that I am supposed to babysit Karen's son Will in the mornings and take him to school. She called me arpouind 8 asking if I was planning on coming. I said I was so sorry, I had slept in and hadn't left yet, but I would leave right now. She told me she would just have a neighbor do it because she didn't want him to be late for school. I drove out there anyways to make sure that if a neighbor couldn't get him, I would still be there as soon as I could to get him there. I also did it to time how long it would take me since I hit the construction on I-15 and I-80 during rush hour traffic. When I go there, Will was already gone, but I left him a note telling him that I was really sorry. Then I called Karen and told her I was so sorry and that it wouldn't happen again. I told her how I had driven out there anyway to make sure that he got there as soon as possible, but she must have already gotten it taken care of. I felt so bad! While I was in the shower she called me and left me a message saying that she is in the middle of a court case, so everything we do is being judged. She said that the school will have records of the days that he is late and that he is really embarrassed when I get him there late. She said that if I couldn't be there by 7:45 then she would get someone who would. The message made me cry. Anyone who knows me, knows that I wouldn't have done this on purpose and she made it sound like I did and that I do that all the time! I realize that I was in the wrong and that it is my job to take him to school, but for her to chew me out some more when I had already apologized and was already beating myself up about it made me feel even worse. I almost called her back again to say "Fine, find someone else then!" I plan my whole school schedule around being able to take Will to school in the mornings, and I really do try my best. Karen has always been so nice to me in the past and made me feel like part of the family, but with one phone message she turned me from family into just an expendable employee. Since she goes into Baskin Robbins all the time, I went in and bought her Cappuccino Blast for her from Cherri. Cherri told her when she came in that I had already paid for it, that I was really sorry and that she could tell that I had been crying. I still haven't heard from Karen though, and that was over two days ago. I think I will see how it goes, but this might be the last year that I work for her. I don't appreciate how she talked to me.

So, since then I have been getting up early to take Will to school, been getting to my classes on time, and have been working enough to pay the bills, and keeping my goal of going to the gym 5 times a week. It's a nice juggling act, but I'll find a way to make it all work.