Sometimes I feel so small, like the world is so huge and unless I struggle on, I will get swept away in the rush of things. I am completely overwhelmed with all of the work, school, homework and money issues in my life right now. I am scared that it is all too much for me and I have no idea how I will get through it all. I don't remember how I balanced everything before, when I worked full-time and part-time while going to school full-time. When did I find the time to sleep? When did I ever see my family and friends? When did I find time to do my homework?
I am going to school full-time again, and even after the first two days, I already feel completely overwhelmed. They want more money than I have, and since I have to take time off of work to go to school, I can't work to get more money that they school wants. And they just keep adding things on for me to pay for. It isn't enough to have to pay tuition, they want lab fees, and textbook fees, parking pass fees, and supply lists that cost hundreds more dollars. While they are adding in all of these fees, and giving me all this homework, I wonder which priorities come first? Do I do my homework so that all this money isn't going to waste on my education, or do I pick up a few more hours so that I can provide the roof over my head, my food that I eat or the gas money that it takes to get to school or work... Do I just let myself sleep so that I might feel less stressed later, or do I continue with my goals of going to the gym? When do I see my family and spend time with my friends? Which of these things are for me and will make me happy? Am I drowning yet?
So, I'll struggle on because in the end it is all for me. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger right? I'll try to find that fragile balance, knowing that I work so that I can support myself, and I go to school so that one day I can do what I love. In the end, this semester of school is 16 weeks. That is only 32 days of each of my classes. I can hang on for 16 weeks. Hopefully. I already called mom after my first two classes almost ready to cry and asking if it was okay if I just dropped out. They expect so much and I don't know if I have it in me.
3 comments:
I hear ya sista! Finding that fragile balance between EVERYTHING is always a struggle. But lets face it, your personality is always going to lend itself to over extension (if not with school then just by taking more hours at work, or more time with friends). The good news is that you'll be amazed at what you can accomplish in the end. And most things in life that are worth doing are not easy. Whenever I get over whelmed I take a step back and think about how lucky I am to lead such a full life. I am lucky to have a job, a roof over my head, friends and family that love me and will understand the time I'm not spending with them, the education that I am lucky to receive seeing as so many women do not. With a little faith, perseverance, and sweat you'll get through it. And I think short goals that help you reach the overall goal is definitely helpful.
So what I am trying to say is congrats on leading a full life, and work hard and prosper, your gonna do great!
SSFB
Kitty, you rock.
SSFB, you rock too.
I can't resist quoting from the Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt: "We've all heard that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, but that is a dangerous oversimplification. Many of the things that don't kill you can damage you for life." (page xii) I say that a bit tongue in cheek and a bit seriously. I think you take on a lot and, while I think you will be fine and will get through it all even better than you imagined you would, I advise that you try to get more sleep! You have a family who loves you and we will help you any way we can. We don't want you to be damaged for life! Take it a day at a time.
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