Timeless Beauty

This is a picture I recently took of Liz! I needed something new for my photoshop class. We have to add textures, and words, etc... I love that Liz is always willing to come and help me with school projects! Also, it was FREEZING and she ran around in the little dress, barefoot around the woods for me to get my shot! Thanks Liz!!

First Shoot since Surgery!

There is a group on Facebook called the Northern Utah Creative Group, and once a month they put together a group photoshoot for any aspiring models, makeup artists, hair dressers and photographers. This was there second meet, but the first once I went to. I had a really good time! I was also very happy that I got Liz and Brittany to come with me! It was nice to shoot again. :)

Kidney Surgery

I just wanted to let you all know that I made it through my surgery just fine. I will be in the hospital until probably Wednesday this week, and I have an appointment next Wednesday to see if I am well enough to travel home. Wesley is doing amazing. My kidney is really working well for him, so I am so so glad that he is starting to feel better. I am also recovering better than anticipated. They have me on an anastetic that is 7 times more powerful than morphine, so I am not really in any pain. When I woke up, I didn't feel nausous like they thought I would abd I was quickly able to move up from ice chips and water to trying to eat jello and some broth. They have said that I am able to advance my diet as I can tolerate it since I am doing so well with it. They also had me sit up today, and walk out into the hall. They say that being mobile will help my condition improve. I was able to do it, but it really took a lot out of me. They said I got very pale, and it made me feel pretty sick. So, I will try again tomorrow. Thank you all for all of the well wishes. I am very honored to feel so much love and support in this time of need. And thanks to Elisabeth's family that sent me flowers. I love them. :)

Money Issues

I have been a little nervous about money since I know that I am going to be out of work for a few months to recover from kidney surgery. (Monday is only a few more days away, everyone wish me luck!) Back in July, I had to oppurtunity to work out with a personal trainer at Gold's Gym that I have had a crush on for a while. So, I did the work out and afterwards he wanted to sign me up for sessions. I told him that I didn't think it was a good idea for me because I'm a little tight on money, especially with school starting and because I would be leaving for kidney surgery in a few months and would be out of work. He told me that it was no problem to put my membership on hold, and that even though they couldn't stop my payments all together, they would be able to lower it to something like $10 a month, or at least something more affordable. With that promise, I signed up for my personal trainer. It ended up being someone other than the guy that signed me up, but he is still awesome. I have really been working hard and I think I am starting to see some good results.

Before I left, I tried to get my membership on hold. It is $25 to freeze your account, instead of the $10 that people told me, and on top of that, I had to put a separate hold on my personal trainer, so I had to pay them $50 to put my account on hold. Then, freezing your Gold't Gym account doesn't stop your billing. So I am still going to be paying my expensive personal trainer bills, even though I won't have a job. I went back to the guy that signed me up, and he said that we never talked about me leaving for surgery. I said, "Yes, we did." It is kind of a big deal to me. There is no way that I would have forgotten to mention it. I told him that he had said that they wouldn't freeze my billing, but that they would lower it to make it afforadable for me. He said, "Now I know I didn't say that, because that isn't true." I was SO MAD! I started crying. They LIED to me to get me to sign up for a personal trainer! And on top of that, I have already signed a contract to renew my membersip for the next two years. So not only do I have to pay them, but I am going to have to for the next two years as well.

I called the corporate office and they confirmed all the ways they were screwing me over. They said there is no way to make my payments lower since I am not leaving on a mission or in the military. Medical reasons don't apply. I told them about the manager that lied to me in order to get me to sign the contract and he said that because I didn't get it in writing, that there was nothing that I could do. Awesome, huh? Doesn't that make you want to go sign a contract with them?

On top of that, I got some reimbursement funding for the trip up to Oregon. They are paying for my travel expenses, my food and my gas. However, when we stopped at the first gas station, my card was declined. When I called about it, they told me that my credit card had a $5 limit on it. $5?! What is the point of a $5 credit card? They knew a mistake had to have been made, but the people to call had already left for the day, and we were already on the road. Luckily my dad paid for everything for the first day, and I was able to get everything sorted out by the next morning and get him paid back, but I was not having a good day! I wish money wasn't so hard to come by!
At least one of my two big money issues is taken care of, and I will figure out some way to pay bills while I am out of work.

I met with the a few of the doctors on Wednesday and did all of the final blood work. I am in perfect health, so I have been given the okay to give Wesley a kidney on Monday. Our surgery time has even been moved up an hour, so I won't have to be fasting as long. I am really nervous, but I think that everything will be okay. Everyone was really good at explaining every step of the process for me. I also have a great support system of my family and friends. Thanks for all of you that are taking good care of us. My whole family is coming up this weekend to be here, except Danae and Gary who can't make it, but are here in spirit every step of the way. Thanks to the extended family for getting our names on every temple prayer roles as possible. Thanks to Matt who offered to give me a priesthood blessing and many of my other friends that said they would pray for us, meditate and send good wishes our way. I really appreciate everything and I know that Wesley and I will make it through this. :)

A Call to Courage

As all of you know, last April Wesley found out that he was in kidney failure and needed a kidney transplant. I went up to Oregon with my mom and dad to be with him in the hospital when he found out the news. There were a lot of tears as the gravity of the situation sank in and hearing Wesley talk about his situation. I will never forget Wesley saying that he felt that he would need to change his life because he would be given a second chance with another kidney, and my dad telling him that it was because of who he already was that people are willing to give him a kidney.

Ever since I found out Wesley was sick, I knew I would be the one to give him a kidney. I don't know how to explain it better than that. It was just something that I knew to be true. I originally researched a lot about it, finding out things like that if a woman is going to be a donor, she shouldn't be on birth control so I stopped taking mine. When Geoffrey and I both matched, and we decided to test Geoffrey first, I still didn't start taking that again. I still thought that this was going to be something that I was going to do.

When it was decided that Geoffrey couldn't do it, I knew it was my turn. I have been thinking about this for over a year, but even though I have had time to adjust to the idea, the reality is still scary to face. I have never done anything at all remotely close to this. I have never been really sick, I have never broken a bone, I don't have any sort of medical history to really prepare me for this.

The testing has been a new and interesting experience all on its own. When I had to give the 15 vials of blood that they needed, I almost fainted. That has never happened to me before. I started to get dizzy, then my head started to get really hot, and even though they were talking to me, I could barely hear them. There was a ringing in my ears and everything started to dim. They had to put an ice pack on my neck to help cool me down, they let me drink my Chai to get liquid and sugar back into my system, and they made me breathe and cough to help get blood back into my head. Even after that though, I felt really nauseous for the rest of the day. Even though I almost never eat ice cream anymore, I went and got a shake from Baskin Robbins and called my doctor sister, Allie, to see what else I should do. She told me to take my multi-vitamin for the iron and get some sugar and lots of water. I found it really cool that my body knew I needed the sugar, like when I had my ulcer and my body made me crave bread to help soak up the acid. I think I have a good little body that usually knows what it needs to feel better, and an awesome immune system that allows me to almost never get sick, even when I abuse it by working full time and being a fulltime student that never sleeps and drinks way to much caffeine.

After my blood tests, I was super nervous for my next one, which was an EKG. I didn't know what that was. I have just been going in and doing whatever people tell me to do, when they tell me to go in and do it. So, they guy was like, I am going to put these stickers on each wrist, etc.. and I was like, "Needles?" And he said, "Yes, like Acupuncture. " I said, "Oh okay. Does it hurt?" He started laughing at me then and showed me the stickers, that were actual stickers. He said, "A little nervous?" I laughed too. Yes. I am nervous.

The next day I went in for my X-Rays and CT Scan. I was thinking it would be nice and simple, like my EKG. It wasn't. I started to get scared when they made me change into the surgical gown. Then they said that they had to put an IV in my arm. He put it in, lost it, played with it, called another lady in to help him fix it before they got it right. It really hurt. Then they told me to put my hands over my head as I went through the machine, and that they were going to be putting a really hot liquid into me so that they could see my organs better. They said I would feel really hot and I would feel like I was peeing my pants but I wasn't. Then, as they put me through the machine, I had to hold my breath. It was really weird.

After that, I was waiting to do my X-rays, with the IV still in my arm because they said they didn't have time to take it out yet, when I met another lady in there for a CT scan. I asked her if she had ever done one before so I could warn her if she hadn't. She said yes, she does them once a week because she has cancer. She was surprised that I hadn't done one before and asked me what I was there for. When I told her I as there for testing to give my brother a kidney she started crying. That really got to me.

After my IV was out, I got a massive bruise about the size of half of my palm on my arm. It took more than a week for it to go away.

Last thing I had to do was go get a pap smear. Allison got one of her friends at the hospital to do it for me. It wouldn't have been so bad except that I was super embarrassed about it. That was the worst part.

So now we are talking about days for the actual surgery. It looks like we are probably going to be doing it on September 13th. I will have to be up in Oregon by the 8th for my surgical pre-admission and will probably be there for a week or two afterwards to recover enough to travel home. Once home I am going to try and go back to school right away. I know I need rest, but I am hoping that sitting through a lecture won't be too difficult for me. It will take a few more weeks before I will be able to go back to work, but Justin, my boss, has told me not to worry about it. He said I can have off as much time as I need and that he will get me the hours I need when I am ready to come back.

Everything is moving along and an end is in sight. I am really scared. I think I am just a baby though, and am hoping that everything will be okay soon. Everyone keeps telling me how brave I am to do it, but I don't feel brave. I just feel scared. I really want to do this for Wesley though. I am so happy that there is something I can do to help him. I look forward to him starting to feel better. He is excited to be able to sleep on his stomach again. It is his favorite sleeping position and he hasn't been able to do it since he got sick. He also is looking forward to being able to eat a banana again.

I am hoping that after I recover from surgery, I will feel the same as I did before and even better if my awesome little kidney is able to change Wesley's life for the better. I am hoping since I have such an awesome body, I will be able to pass that on to Wesley too.

Here is wishing for the best. Cheers.

On Turning 23

So, I think I said this last year, but I feel like I have changed so much over the last year. I lot of that this year, is how hard the school year was, and that the long time friends I have had suddenly all disappeared. Suddenly, it was just me and I had to figure out my direction and start over.

This last semester of school, especially, kicked my butt. I took six classes and really bit off more than I could chew, but I learned so much and I really feel like my photography is taking off. (Even though one of my teacher's gave me an A-) At the beginning of the year, I was begging everyone and anyone to come and let me take pictures of them, now I have people begging me to take their pictures and I don't have enough time to get to them all! I took those two workshops from Jake Garn and Keith Bryce, and after all of the really hard feedback from all of my teachers, and talking with the working professionals in the area like Grant Headen, I really feel like I am coming into my own. For the summer, in order to keep up my skills, I found a make-up artist and a hair stylist that I wanted to work with and started doing various fairy tales. I have been posting the pictures from that earlier. They are so much fun, but also a lot of work. I pick the models, find a time that works for all four of us, scout out the locations and usually find the wardrobe. On one shoot I even picked all the styling and made Liz get hair extensions and dye her hair! One of my teachers also just wrote to me and said that they are looking for lab aids for the next coming school year and she thinks that I would be perfect, so I am thinking about applying for that. I also got a scholarship to go to school next year, so they are paying my tuition. I had to write an essay telling them why I needed it, get two letters of recommendation from teachers, fill out FAFSA and print out my transcripts, which got me the interview with a board of teachers in the Visual Art and Design Department and show them my portfolio and answer questions. I was so nervous, but I got it! I should be done with school within the year. :)

A couple other big changes for me this year are that I moved back in with my mom for a while and I have been doing a bunch of tests to see if I will be able to give Wesley a kidney. Ever since Wesley got sick, I have had a feeling that I would be the one to give him a kidney. It was just something that I knew to be true. I don't know how other to explain it than that. Now it is coming up for real, and I'm scared, but I expected it to happen so I am okay with it. Really, I am just ready for it to be over with. I bet Wesley knows the feeling. Let's just do it already!

Not nearly as important, but something that I have been working on, did I mention that I have lost 27 pounds this year?!? :) I now also have a personal trainer, named Preston, that kicks my butt. I am so sore all of the time! I feel like it is helping though.

Things are definitely changing. I'm changing. And I feel like unless you are one of the people there to help me along the way, you are missing out on who I am becoming. I feel like I don't forgive people as easily for letting me down, and I don't let people walk all over me as much. I feel like I am becoming an adult, with a sure direction that I am headed in, and leaving behind all of the high school drama. Everything that seemed so important at the time doesn't matter at all now...

There is my brief summary of being 22, now let's see what 23 has to offer.

Snow White

Little Red

Heather Nicole

This is Heather Nicole. She is a friend of Brittany's that I meant on facebook. She is going to do my Sleeping Beauty fairy tale shoot, but I had never met her before, so I asked her to do a shoot with me. What do you guys think!?