A Call to Courage

As all of you know, last April Wesley found out that he was in kidney failure and needed a kidney transplant. I went up to Oregon with my mom and dad to be with him in the hospital when he found out the news. There were a lot of tears as the gravity of the situation sank in and hearing Wesley talk about his situation. I will never forget Wesley saying that he felt that he would need to change his life because he would be given a second chance with another kidney, and my dad telling him that it was because of who he already was that people are willing to give him a kidney.

Ever since I found out Wesley was sick, I knew I would be the one to give him a kidney. I don't know how to explain it better than that. It was just something that I knew to be true. I originally researched a lot about it, finding out things like that if a woman is going to be a donor, she shouldn't be on birth control so I stopped taking mine. When Geoffrey and I both matched, and we decided to test Geoffrey first, I still didn't start taking that again. I still thought that this was going to be something that I was going to do.

When it was decided that Geoffrey couldn't do it, I knew it was my turn. I have been thinking about this for over a year, but even though I have had time to adjust to the idea, the reality is still scary to face. I have never done anything at all remotely close to this. I have never been really sick, I have never broken a bone, I don't have any sort of medical history to really prepare me for this.

The testing has been a new and interesting experience all on its own. When I had to give the 15 vials of blood that they needed, I almost fainted. That has never happened to me before. I started to get dizzy, then my head started to get really hot, and even though they were talking to me, I could barely hear them. There was a ringing in my ears and everything started to dim. They had to put an ice pack on my neck to help cool me down, they let me drink my Chai to get liquid and sugar back into my system, and they made me breathe and cough to help get blood back into my head. Even after that though, I felt really nauseous for the rest of the day. Even though I almost never eat ice cream anymore, I went and got a shake from Baskin Robbins and called my doctor sister, Allie, to see what else I should do. She told me to take my multi-vitamin for the iron and get some sugar and lots of water. I found it really cool that my body knew I needed the sugar, like when I had my ulcer and my body made me crave bread to help soak up the acid. I think I have a good little body that usually knows what it needs to feel better, and an awesome immune system that allows me to almost never get sick, even when I abuse it by working full time and being a fulltime student that never sleeps and drinks way to much caffeine.

After my blood tests, I was super nervous for my next one, which was an EKG. I didn't know what that was. I have just been going in and doing whatever people tell me to do, when they tell me to go in and do it. So, they guy was like, I am going to put these stickers on each wrist, etc.. and I was like, "Needles?" And he said, "Yes, like Acupuncture. " I said, "Oh okay. Does it hurt?" He started laughing at me then and showed me the stickers, that were actual stickers. He said, "A little nervous?" I laughed too. Yes. I am nervous.

The next day I went in for my X-Rays and CT Scan. I was thinking it would be nice and simple, like my EKG. It wasn't. I started to get scared when they made me change into the surgical gown. Then they said that they had to put an IV in my arm. He put it in, lost it, played with it, called another lady in to help him fix it before they got it right. It really hurt. Then they told me to put my hands over my head as I went through the machine, and that they were going to be putting a really hot liquid into me so that they could see my organs better. They said I would feel really hot and I would feel like I was peeing my pants but I wasn't. Then, as they put me through the machine, I had to hold my breath. It was really weird.

After that, I was waiting to do my X-rays, with the IV still in my arm because they said they didn't have time to take it out yet, when I met another lady in there for a CT scan. I asked her if she had ever done one before so I could warn her if she hadn't. She said yes, she does them once a week because she has cancer. She was surprised that I hadn't done one before and asked me what I was there for. When I told her I as there for testing to give my brother a kidney she started crying. That really got to me.

After my IV was out, I got a massive bruise about the size of half of my palm on my arm. It took more than a week for it to go away.

Last thing I had to do was go get a pap smear. Allison got one of her friends at the hospital to do it for me. It wouldn't have been so bad except that I was super embarrassed about it. That was the worst part.

So now we are talking about days for the actual surgery. It looks like we are probably going to be doing it on September 13th. I will have to be up in Oregon by the 8th for my surgical pre-admission and will probably be there for a week or two afterwards to recover enough to travel home. Once home I am going to try and go back to school right away. I know I need rest, but I am hoping that sitting through a lecture won't be too difficult for me. It will take a few more weeks before I will be able to go back to work, but Justin, my boss, has told me not to worry about it. He said I can have off as much time as I need and that he will get me the hours I need when I am ready to come back.

Everything is moving along and an end is in sight. I am really scared. I think I am just a baby though, and am hoping that everything will be okay soon. Everyone keeps telling me how brave I am to do it, but I don't feel brave. I just feel scared. I really want to do this for Wesley though. I am so happy that there is something I can do to help him. I look forward to him starting to feel better. He is excited to be able to sleep on his stomach again. It is his favorite sleeping position and he hasn't been able to do it since he got sick. He also is looking forward to being able to eat a banana again.

I am hoping that after I recover from surgery, I will feel the same as I did before and even better if my awesome little kidney is able to change Wesley's life for the better. I am hoping since I have such an awesome body, I will be able to pass that on to Wesley too.

Here is wishing for the best. Cheers.