Douglas Hansen

I received a letter from the U.S. Department of Justice informing me that Douglas Hansen, the man who robbed me, died while in federal custody on October 29, 2011. That was all the information they gave me. I have no idea what happened, just that he died.

I'm feeling a little guilty because I am relieved that he is dead. I in no way believe that he deserved a death sentence for robbing me, but they day after he robbed me, I was searching people's faces trying to find him. I have become much more jumpy. If I see someone in the corner of my eye that I didn't know was there, it makes me jump. When random guys come into the store, I am worried what they might do. For weeks after I got robbed, I kept the phone under the register so that if it happened again, I might be able to reach it to dial 911. And sometimes, at night, I dream that he comes back in. Sometimes, he doesn't know who I am, and just orders like a regular customer. Sometimes I relieve what happened and I try to somehow already have the phone under the register so that I can call for help.

The police told me that this guy has been in and out of prison all his life. He does something, so they put him in. Then he serves his time and gets out. Then he does something else, so they put him back in. Over and over and over. So, even though I know they caught him, I couldn't help thinking that maybe one day he would come back. Even though I am at another store now, I couldn't help wondering if he would remember that he got away the first time, so why not do it again? I kept thinking what would happen if he came in again.

A cop called me when they were determining his sentence. He wondered if there was anything I wanted the judge to know about how he had effected my life. He had listened to my 911 call and said that I had sounded really upset. Thinking back, I remember how I could barley stop crying to tell them what had happened and how I couldn't stop shaking. I remember the text message from my dad asking if the police knew who he needed to kill and how angry my brother Wesley got.

So, hearing the news that he is dead, is actually a really relieving thing for me. I feel a little bad about it, but maybe now somewhere in the back of my mind, I will stop stressing about it. Some people think I am crazy for being so effected by this. And I guess to some degree, I didn't even quite realize how much it bothered me before the threat was gone. It just seems like now that I don't have to worry about it, I really notice how much I was worried about it.