Kennedy

For over the last month, Kennedy has started acting really weird. We all went out to dinner for Eddy's birthday on the first Thursday of October. After dinner we went to a haunted house. I had a ton of fun! It has been a long time since all of us have hung out together. Everything seemed fine to me. I talked to my friends about throwing a Halloween party, and they said that all I had to do was tell them what day, and they would be there.

A little over a week later, Where the Wild Things Are came out. I knew Kennedy had really wanted to see that, and I thought maybe we could go together. I tried to call him to see when he was free and he didn't answer. Not completely uncommon. Kennedy and I usually work completely different schedules. So, I got on facebook and asked him about it. That is when I started noticing that something was wrong. I could tell that he was getting on everyday because he would update his statis, but he wouldn't ever answer me. I would call him and he wouldn't answer, he wouldn't answer my texts, return my messages or write me back on facebook. I kept trying to find out if my friends were going to come to my party. None of them did. Eddy was out of town, Will lives in Logan, Ben had to work, Jay had a date and Kennedy never even answered me.

Later, I asked my friend Jay over texts if Kennedy was mad at me. He said, "You will have to talk to Kennedy about that." I kind of freaked out. That meant to me that something really was wrong because if he didn't know anything, he woulod have just said so. I called Kennedy back (he didn't answer) and left him a message. I said, "I guess you really are mad at me, and I have no idea why you would be. If you want to actually let me know what is going on, then please call me back and let me know." Instead of calling me back, he got onto facebook and wrote me this:

"Sorry Chelsee, I'm not mad at you, and I'm doing all right. I just need some time to work out a few things in my life which has caused me to be somewhat neglectful. I hope I haven't caused you too much grief and I hope I can explain better later. Sorry again."

I said, "I don't understand... I'll leave you alone and give you time or whatever it is that you need, but I don't understand why you are cutting me out. I was really upset that none of you guys came to my party when I tried so hard to make sure that you could. You are one of my best friends and I miss you. I hope that you figure out whatever it is that you are going through. If you need someone just to listen, please call me. I know I have been busy, but I will always make time for you if you need me."

All he said was "Thanks Chelsee." Then I said, "One more question... Does any of this have to do with me?" He never answered.

I then tried Jay again. I told him that Kennedy said he needed spaced and asked him if this had to do with me or if it was something else completely. He said, "He seems fine to me. He will talk to you about it when he is ready." Whatever that means!

I tried to leave him alone and give him the space that he asked for, but I couldn't completely do it. First of, Kennedy is one of my BEST friends. I would talk to him about everything, and I probably hang out with him more than any of my other friends. We do everything together! We go see movies, try to figure out soundtracks, get dinner, talk for hours, we even run around and take pictures with all the different blow up things in people's yards for fun. We have so many inside jokes. I love being around him. Especially with how hard school has been and how much I have been working, when I have the time, I really try to do something fun. I liked hanging out with Kennedy because he usually made me really happy.

Anyways, Natalie wanted to go to lunch with me and she wanted to go to Nelson's. We ran into him there. He was nice to me, but talked more to her than to me. I went in again later with Kjersti, and it was completely awkward. I rna into his brother, who didn't know anything about it. I asked how Kennedy was doing and he said, "Good. You should know. You talk to him every other day."

I called Kennedy again and left another message asking him if he was ever going to talk to me again and if he was still planning on being my date to New Moon. (I asked him about a month ago.) Kjersti and I ran into him again at Nelson's and he told me that he was still planning on going. I tried to make a plan for us to talk, but he said that he couldn't that weekend, but he would call me the next. I was so excited that he was talking to me again! I knew things weren't fixed, but I thought they were at least going better.

I sent Kennedy a text a few days later asking if he would be able to get work off before the movie so that we could all go to dinner. He didn't answer. When I saw him again at Nelson's, he didn't even acknowledge me. I called him again the next day and asked him if he even wantd to go with me. I said that I had tried to ask him, he didn't answer, and he clearly still didn't want to talk to me. He sent me a text yesterday saying, "Yeah, I should be able to go to dinner. I can't really explain what's going on, I just need a major change. Sorry but I mostly only spend time with family now." I said, "For good or just for now? Are we not god friends like we were before?" He said, "To be honest, for good. At least for a long while. But I don't want you to feel like I'm shunning you." I said, "Even though you are? I am trying really really hard not to take this personally but I am. You are one of my best friends and I have told you a lot of personal things. I don't understand why you can't tell me what you are going through now." He said, "I am really sorry that I've hurt your feelings but I don't know what more I can say right now." I said, "Please just tell me why. Even if you can't explain fully, at least let me know what it has to do with."

After that, I just started crying. I am losing my best friend and I don't even know why! I don't felt like I have done anything wrong. Out of all of my friends, Kennedy was always the one that has never treated me like this before, so I don't know how to handle it. Later, I sent him another text telling him that I had been crying a lot and that I needed some sort of explaination. He said, "I feel like you've invested more in our friendship than I have and it makes me feel guilty so now that I need to change my life I've found it harder to tell you." I said, "Why can't I be a part of your new life? I have never held you back from anything that you have wanted to do." He said, "This conversation is a perfect example. I asked for space and you haven't respected that. You're not the only one I haven't seen for about a month." I said, "I just didn't understand. Out of all of my friends you are the only one who hasn't ever treated me this way before. Forget about dinner and the movie. I would hate to guilt you into spending time with me when you need space. I thought things were going better. You even said you would starte talking to me again this week so I thought that it was okay. But fine. You never have to see me again. Goodbye Kennedy. I love you. You were my best friend. I hope you figure everything out."

Now I feel like I might have over reacted, but I'm really hurt and it is too late to take it back now. I didn't want to make him come to the movie with me if it was just going to be weird the whole time. And I would probably just be crying since it would probably be the last time that I saw him. I really want him to go though, so now I wish I could take that back. I really hope that if I actually just give him the space that he says he needs that he will eventually come back to his senses and I will get my friend back. I am so sad though. Does it say something really bad about me if my best friends even stop talking to me? Kennedy and I have been friends forever. I don't know what I am going to do or why he is acting this way.

What do you guys think? Did I do the right thing? Is there any other better way for me to fix this without even knowing what's wrong? I feel like the more I tried to fix it, the worse I made it. Am I overreacting? Would you still have gone to the movie with him? I don't know what I am doing. One thing I have decided, I won't be making a friend calender for Christmas this year. I don't know that we are all still friends so what is the point?